The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman: Summary and Notes

Change how you look at all your relationships

Dan Silvestre


“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”

Rating: 7/10

Related: 5 Love Languages of Children, Models, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, The Game

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The Five Love Languages Short Summary

The Five Love Languages details the secret to better relationships. Everyone wants to be loved in a different way and learning how to meet those needs is key. A guide for all forms of relationships — for couples, for children, for friends, and for coworkers.

How To Communicate Love

Communication problems grow when you overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.

“No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other.”

To be an effective communicator of love, you must learn your spouse’s primary love language and speak it.

If you want your partner to feel the love you are trying to communicate, you must express it in his or her primary love language.

Keeping The Love Tank Full

How we act in a relationship has all to do with how we feel about the relationship. If your spouse feels safe and loved, she is more likely to give back.

The love tank is a metaphor for how secure you feel in a relationship.

Your love tank fills up when your partner nurtures your emotional needs. In contrast, your love tank starts to empty when your partner neglects your emotional needs.

When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and they feel secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach their highest potential in life.

However, how you fill your spouse’s love tank depends on the language of love she speaks.



Dan Silvestre

Performance coach helping leaders get the right things done with less effort than anything they've tried before. Join 20k+ readers: